So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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