My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
