Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly