with your own penis?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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