Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up