I would do horrible things to your vagina.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.