eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
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I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
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I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.