Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(858): View more from California

I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.

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(858): I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association. http://tfl.nu/vbvm

Replies (15) Good night (4449) Bad night (558)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.

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(978): highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother. http://tfl.nu/jmn9

Replies (10) Good night (3416) Bad night (783)
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(480): View more from Arizona

He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again

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(480): He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again http://tfl.nu/s0mc

Replies (9) Good night (4021) Bad night (973)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?

(1-919): View more from North Carolina

Because we had sex in one.

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(919): Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory? (1-919): Because we had sex in one. http://tfl.nu/y2am

Replies (7) Good night (5819) Bad night (1067)
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(309): View more from Illinois

I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.

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(309): I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights. http://tfl.nu/c1hf

Replies (5) Good night (1669) Bad night (1320)
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(907): View more from Alaska

You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.

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(907): You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn. http://tfl.nu/73y5

Replies (6) Good night (2410) Bad night (1184)
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(574): View more from Indiana

Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool

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(574): Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool http://tfl.nu/b45a

Replies (7) Good night (759) Bad night (1494)
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.

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(780): Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something. http://tfl.nu/bxdz

Replies (7) Good night (1300) Bad night (948)
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(520): View more from Arizona

One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.

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(520): One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops. http://tfl.nu/4y8e

Replies (10) Good night (2097) Bad night (780)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?

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(+44): He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day? http://tfl.nu/3a44

Replies (14) Good night (3580) Bad night (683)
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(310): View more from California

You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.

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(310): You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag. http://tfl.nu/d3da

Replies (8) Good night (1391) Bad night (731)
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(425): View more from Washington

I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?

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(425): I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right? http://tfl.nu/i5oh

Replies (1) Good night (1193) Bad night (451)
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(414): View more from Wisconsin

It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.

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(414): It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples. http://tfl.nu/aueo

Replies (2) Good night (370) Bad night (805)
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(913): View more from Kansas

Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.

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(913): Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship. http://tfl.nu/0v8r

Replies (3) Good night (307) Bad night (746)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."

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(615): Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get." http://tfl.nu/2nov

Replies (1) Good night (290) Bad night (503)

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