Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
