it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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