I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Blow job season was short but glorious.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.