if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?