Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?

(408): View more from California

we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.

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(202): first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why? (408): we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try. http://tfl.nu/v7dh

Replies (21) Good night (814) Bad night (1687)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.

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(617): So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon. http://tfl.nu/mzh2

Replies (9) Good night (826) Bad night (1367)
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(954): View more from Florida

I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.

(727): View more from Florida

More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.

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(954): I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning. (727): More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort. http://tfl.nu/lvyr

Replies (15) Good night (4847) Bad night (734)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays

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(908): It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays http://tfl.nu/4h3r

Replies (8) Good night (980) Bad night (3119)
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(816): View more from Missouri

He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.

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(816): He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner. http://tfl.nu/o8kh

Replies (15) Good night (1224) Bad night (3722)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying

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(304): Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying http://tfl.nu/2vcq

Replies (12) Good night (3239) Bad night (1064)
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(631): View more from New York

I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?

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(631): I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend? http://tfl.nu/hi71

Replies (3) Good night (1325) Bad night (761)
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(914): View more from New York

The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted

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(914): The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted http://tfl.nu/dd19

Replies (3) Good night (1562) Bad night (505)
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(631): View more from New York

I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.

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(631): I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth. http://tfl.nu/otea

Replies (9) Good night (2489) Bad night (759)
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(914): View more from New York

Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.

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(914): Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table. http://tfl.nu/r09f

Replies (9) Good night (558) Bad night (1164)
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(520): View more from Arizona

Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.

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(520): Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are. http://tfl.nu/sjk3

Replies (5) Good night (1085) Bad night (460)
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(218): View more from Minnesota

There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.

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(218): There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon. http://tfl.nu/foxi

Replies (5) Good night (1680) Bad night (511)
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(253): View more from Washington

Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk

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(253): Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk http://tfl.nu/8gkz

Replies (2) Good night (399) Bad night (614)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me

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(617): The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me http://tfl.nu/mmd5

Replies (8) Good night (1206) Bad night (497)
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(952): View more from Minnesota

OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER

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(952): OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER http://tfl.nu/m7io

Replies (2) Good night (245) Bad night (554)

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