why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.