I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be