One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
