My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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