She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
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If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
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I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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