If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
