gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
