there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
