Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
