ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
someone owes me an orgasm
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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