This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
