i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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