For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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