like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
