Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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