I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
