She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
