So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize