dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
