he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
