Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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