two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
