you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
