I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
