i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
