I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
