wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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