bring money and cleavage
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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