We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
