Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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