Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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