you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
