How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize