I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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