meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
