He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
