I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
i've created a new STD.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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