What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
