So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
