Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I want to make a zoo with you.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
