he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Dick very happy bro
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
