The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
