i would punch a child for taco bell
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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