New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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