Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
So apparently I’m into choking now
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