awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
