Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
