He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
