my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
