i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
