I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
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Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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