Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
