He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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