Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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