Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Can I color on your dick again?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
