You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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