Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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