So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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