Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
