My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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