I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
