I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
