he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
