So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
