Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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