Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
