It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
