Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
i've created a new STD.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
