Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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