hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
