hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
