Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
