I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
