my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
