I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize