What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
