chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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